The summer is usually a lull between 2 busy seasons. Calling in rest after the rush of the new year has died and before the fervor of the end of year begins. Many of us focus in on the things that bring us joy and light. Our days are longer and fuller. 

This summer has been a busy blur where I barely saw my apartment for more than a week at a time. The job I once dreamed about, that would allow me to travel and connect with others and share my insights has come, is the job I have now. It comes with its fair share of complaints but mostly it’s aligned with the last things that I truly asked for and manifested. Somehow I’m not quite comfortable. Something still feels misaligned. I get to be a superwoman version of myself, juggling multiple hats, looking out for the well being of those I’m in community with, but never quite feeling like I have all the right things pouring back in. 

As I reflect back to the season I was in when I dreamt up this current life, it was the season when the entire world slowed enough for us to see through the fog. There was so little expectation outside of just being. I’d just finished the last things on the expected to-do list of “create a great career” plan, I was laid off from a job I thought would anchor my great career in New York, my friends were scattered and cocooned in family homes, I was post-break up from a relationship that had left me unfamiliar, the parties and events that had begun to shape my social life were canceled, even the neighborhood block parties turned into ghost towns. The world stopped: I had myself, my thoughts, my journals, and a sunlit bedroom to figure out what was next. 

It was in this season of shutdown that I began to bloom. I began to reconfigure my sense of self-worth and trust through the @lonelyblackgal platform. I got to know my body again through yoga, movement, and meditation. I rode a bike. I created artwork, food, and writings. I cultivated a friendship with my roommate and one of the best people I know. I reclaimed myself and the ability to dream into the life I wanted for myself. 

I can still find in my journals from that time the page where I listed out what I wanted in a job, the types of connections I wanted to prioritize, the apartment I wanted to live in, the things I wanted to feel, and experience, and know. And here I am living that life that I manifested. All because the world stopped and I got still. 

In this season, as I look up from my job, as I walk around my apartment, connect with my friends, family, and partner, something feels off. I recognize the unhappiness, the discomfort, and frustration, and the gap that isn’t quite filled. In truth, I realize how much I’ve grown. How much bigger and brighter I feel compared to my environment. It’s not ambition or greed, it’s a calling to live in full alignment with the values and purpose that are instilled in me. I know that I am meant to do something bigger and this current environment doesn’t quite create the right soil for me to continue to grow. 

This is how I arrive at the need for stillness. My to-do list remains long, the expectation from others mounts, and I know I won’t feel good, I won’t be able to make impact unless I slow down for long enough to know what I want, how I am meant to bring my ideal vision for life and career to fruition. I want to create a coaching practice and consultancy that offers spacious and self-trust to Black women, women of color, and gender expansive folks in the space way I’ve been able to claim it for myself. The journey that started as lonelyblackgal, changing my relationship with being alone, is ready to grow into a community of others who feel like the lonely only too and are looking to build a life full of connection and love. I want to partner with organizations who are ready to create culture for the future. I have so much to bring to the world and the only way I can do that is through stillness.

I’m excited to offer this moment of stillness to you. I hope you are able to call in and clarify a powerful vision for your next chapter and season. I hope it becomes a ritual practice for you, not just in moments of chaos, not just when it’s enforced by the world around you, but guided by a spiritual Source in you that has a unique purpose for your life.