Processing Grief & Isolation During the Holidays

My family has spent a few November and December holidays taking shifts in hospital rooms. Just last year rather than making my normal rounds to various houses for a plate of food, I rushed with my loved ones to take my Grandmother to the emergency room. We traded the turkey and stuffing for tender moments reassuring her that we wouldn’t leave her side until we knew more about her condition. Almost 10 years before, I can recall trading shifts with my mom, aunt, and siblings as my dad fought his way back to consciousness in an ICU bed. While my friends and colleagues were celebrating shared meals and gifting, I was trying to compartmentalize my grief to be present with an expectation around joy and cheer.

Even this year, I consider and grieve more life transitions and changes that make me feel more strange and disconnected for not being able to find my holiday spirit. Some to do with a changing relationship with 9-5 work, some to do with evolutions to my gender identity, and others to do with my mental and physical health. As I process these changes, I find that I don’t have the urge to decorate. I can’t find the energy to attend holiday parties, and plan gift exchanges. Rather than be labeled as a “Grinch,” I’ve often chosen to retreat and isolate so that I feel less like an outsider.

When our experience doesn’t match the expectations of others, it can make us feel more lonely and disconnected from our truth and power. Grief is especially difficult and heavy when we have to navigate it alone, especially in seasons like this one where people are focused on holiday cheer. While many parts of our grief journey require the type of intimate knowing that can only happen in isolation, other parts require witnessing that helps us crystallize the learning that grief in community can offer us.

For others on this journey, remember that all healing can’t happen in isolation. When we allow the light of community and connection, we invite in perspectives, acceleration, and support in our journeys toward wholeness. As I continue to seek ways to honor and share my journey and relationship with isolation and grief during the end-of-year holiday season, I want to create space for others who might be experiencing the same. Whether you have experienced the loss of a loved one, layoffs career uncertainty, or other big life transitions,

I invite you to lean into connection and witnessing that will allow you to navigate this season with care, grace, and self-trust.