Entanglement Theory
I have this running theory that we’re all still connected. Some stronger than others. It’s really not my theory, it’s biblical, or at least partly religious. Essentially emotional, physical, mental connections with another person form unspoken bonds. This can be dangerous as your spirit and energy can be polluted by ungodly/unhealthy soul lies. Coming down from the clouds, it’s essentially the flow of energy (ideas, expectations, baggage, etc.) between two people as a result of sustained connection. Connections beyond being strangers or acquaintances.
I made a few. For varying reasons, but many in the shadow of loss and emptiness and not wanting to be alone, attempting to replace a lost limb with a lame one. I tried to cut off everything physically thinking the rest of the connection would die without bodies to feed on. I thought they did, but the ghosts live on in the annals of an endless scroll. I was led to a flash back of a pillow in 2014 that held promises of a future that would never come.
***
I have this habit of leaving doors open (if only in my head), as if some miracle will transform a frog into a prince. I’ve since curtailed the habit but forgot to close all the doors.
Actively, I’ve had to detach myself from these former expectations and dreams. Letting go of promises to a version of me that no longer exists. Like Issa’s reckoning “joy” with Condolences getting a version of a man that she helped to build, I felt briefly like I was owed access to this version. But my expectations, ideas, and baggage have shifted.
I’ve grown away from attention seeking and using the attentions of old flames was the way that I feed this need. I’ve had a lot of time inside and alone to reflect and build self understanding and I realized that in addition to building a pyre of discarded connections there’s always been a trail leading back to me. Since then end of my last entanglement, I’ve become more intentional about me, recognizing that some of the past me still lingers, having not been properly weeded from my current green pasture.
Letting go unconsciously as much as consciously, I’ve been holding on to some things that don’t need me anymore. Soul ties and all the hot air that filled them were carrying me away. Now my feet are made of an iridescent stone. My head cleared of clouds. I march forward into a glittering future of my own promises. I leave silent prints in the sand that only I can fill.
