Lonely in New York

It’s been a while since I’ve been here. I’ve been hiding in plain sight. How many people have added this chapter to their journey? Coming to New York for self-discovery, for a revelation of purpose and destiny.

New York is a place to get lost. The small town girl from Virginia, dissolved in issues of community and self an endless hazy waltz. The memories that swirl around you distort the path forward in ways that do not happen in a small town. It’s a place to get lost in yourself in a sea of millions.

After getting over grit and grime, I find peace in being lost in the crowd. Humility is what you learn here. Combing and climbing through thousands, you are one of one million. Every breath is one of a trillion. Steps swallowed by the stampede that follows in your wake. Your waves are as small or as big as the next.

I made it a point to surround myself with Black people so I could feel some sort of peace. My arrival is celebrated by dancing figures in the street, sweet smells of food and spirit, and voices lifted on high. I feel sanctuary.  

My home is a new experience. I move in with 2 strangers. I delight in the sunlight that filters into the corners of rooms. The dark stillness of the winter kills everything living thing until the spring. We all re-emerge, tentatively as the sun grooms us for the public life. This is where we are now: coming back to life.

Soon I’ll find purpose. The meaning and intention take their first steps…